Bill Schechter and Natalie Schechter
Totally Cool
The Magazine
Richard Renda
outtakes and misc.
copyright 2003
All rights reserved.
On Every Page There Is
A Song. Wait. And adjust
... your volume.
A Magazine Alive
Laurie S. Schechter
"World's First Vogue Style Editor"
On the road of what
happens ...
Section 1:
Editorial Music Credit:
Hey You
The Wall
Pink Floyd
What's To Say ...
The MagaZine
Wait ! Before we start with Uncle
Bill: we have something to say.
What's To Say ...
What's To Say ...
To Bill and Natalie
Happy Anniversary
Happy 50th Anniversary.

Eons of blessings upon you both.
Thanks for all the good times. The world loves
you. (And also thanks for the time, the watch.)
Uncle Bill had this to say: "Are you sure you're ready ? You may never forgive me for this one ..."
The Mole Family -- A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole.
One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Yum ! I smell maple
syrup !" The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Yum ! I smell
honey !" The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the
bigger moles are in the way, so he says: "Geez, all I can smell is ... (are ya ready ?)
Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out section of forest while assessing the damage done by
a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers,
and face mask. A post mortem revealed that the person died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries.
Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clad diver
ended up in the middle of a forest fire. It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the person went for a diving trip off
the coast some 20 miles from the forest. The firefighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, called
in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and then flown to the forest
fire and emptied. You guessed it, one minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next he was doing
the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air. Apparently he extinguished exactly 5'10" of the fire. Some
days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed. (This article is from the California Examiner.)
A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine
on the motorcycle when it accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handle bars, was dragged
through the glass patio doors and along with the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife,
hearing the crash, ran into the dining room and found her husband lying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the
motorcycle lying next to him, and the shattered patio door. The wife ran to the phone and summoned the ambulance.
Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of stairs to the street to escort the
paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance arrived and transported the man to the hospital, the wife uprighted
the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Since gas was spilled on the floor, the wife got some paper towels, blotted up
the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet. The man was treated and released to come home. Upon arriving
home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went
to the bathroom, sat down on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his
legs into the toilet bowl while seated. The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard the loud explosion and her husband
screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband lying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away
and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs, and his groin area. The wife again ran to the
phone to call the ambulance. The very same paramedic crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street.
The paramedics loaded the husband on to the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. While they were going
down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had
burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them slipped and slipped the
stretcher, dumping the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs and broke his arm. (Appeared in a Florida
Uncle Bill - What's To Say !

Having a bad day ??? Just remember -- it could be worse.

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was
$80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were
released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later,
in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to
nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and
beat her with an ax leaving her brain damaged.

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what
looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt
him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the
back door, breaking his arm in two places. Until that moment he had been happily
listening to his Walkman.

Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a
slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them,
escaped through a broken fence and stampeded trampling the two hapless protesters to

And finally .......
Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back
with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was
blown to bits.

Your day's not so bad,
is it --

Section 4
Section 3
You need a Java-enabled browser to hear audio clips on this page.