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Totally Cool
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Stay Tuned. On the road
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Richard Renda
Editor-at-Work

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A Magazine Alive
Editor-In-Chief:
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"World's First Vogue Style Editor"
Editorial Music Credit:
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Andre Previn
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What's To Say ???
Daffynitions
by Joseph Heuer
Accusation: what immediately preceded the Age of Reason.
Advertising: the art of making you think you really want something you never heard of before.
Advice: guidance you give to people who don't know better than to ask you.
Alien: what mom would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted a child-sized creature
cleaning up after itself.
Birth: an experience comparable to pulling a pot roast out of a Pringles can.
Bobsledding: four lunatics jumping into a vehicle that's going to the finish line with or without
them.
Brilliant: what you are until you get out of the shower.
Conflicted: a vegetarian with butterflies in their stomach.
Dead: what you call in when you're out of sick days.
Deny: a good thing to do when looking reality in the eye.
Directions: what you never need to ask for in order to find your next hugely embarrassing
moment.
Disgust: the realization that you actually look like your drivers license photo.
Dishonesty: a process that involves way too much work, since you always have to remember
what you said in order to cover your tracks.
Dollars: a type of currency that goes a lot farther when accompanied by sense.
Exercise: a dirty word that compels you to wash your mouth out with chocolate every time you
hear it.
Fanaticism: redoubling your effort when you've forgotten your objective.
Flattery: telling others exactly what they want to believe about themselves.
Font: what your children call your handwriting style.

Glue: what you should yell when your horse refuses to giddyup.
Heck: a place for those who refuse to believe in Gosh.
Hypocrite: someone who writes a book celebrating atheism and then prays it will sell.
Insomniacs: people who don't sleep because they worry about it, and worry about it because
they don't sleep.
Inspiration: not knowing what you're doing, yet doing it brilliantly.
Instant: the type of gratification we want, no matter how long it takes.
Juvenile: the type of delinquent your inner child aspires to be.
Limits: what genius has and stupidity does not.
Marble: the laptop version of a crystal ball.
Old: dating someone half your age, yet not breaking any laws.
Positive: the type of attitude that may not solve all your problems, but will annoy enough people
to make it worth the effort.
Procrastinate: something you do when you don't.
Respectable: the type of candidates God would give us if she really wanted us to vote.
Senseless: inventing cloning after there are already six billion of us.
Shredding: the newest graduate level class at business schools.
Silence: the only sure way to keep from putting your foot in your mouth.

Pessimist: someone who complains about the noise when opportunity knocks.
Tai chi: the polka -- on Valium.
Pathetic: your credit rating if you get turned down for a magazine subscription.
Expand: what the universe does every time they add another area code.
Thin: the size of the line between being brilliantly creative and acting like a gigantic idiot.
To subscribe to Daffynition-a-Day, simply send an email to joe@daffynitions.com -- with the word
Subscribe in the subject line. Joe Heuer is also known as an entertainment speaker. Appearing
Nationwide upon request. Author of The Idiot-Proof Guide to Customer Loyalty. Available at
http://www.amazon.com -or- http://www.joespeaks.com
courtesy of Daffynitions.com

Signs of the Future ...
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The New Definition
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