The MagaZine
Totally Cool
The Magazine
outtakes and misc.
Stay Tuned. On the road
of what you going towards ...
Richard Renda

copyright 2003
All rights reserved.
On Every Page There Is
A Song. Wait. And adjust
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A Magazine Alive
Laurie S. Schechter
"World's First Vogue Style Editor"
Editorial Music Credit:
Tango Song and Dance
Andre Previn
Universal Classics
What's To Say ???
by Joseph Heuer
Accusation: what immediately preceded the Age of Reason.
Advertising: the art of making you think you really want something you never heard of before.
Advice: guidance you give to people who don't know better than to ask you.
Alien: what mom would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted a child-sized creature
cleaning up after itself.
Birth: an experience comparable to pulling a pot roast out of a Pringles can.
Bobsledding: four lunatics jumping into a vehicle that's going to the finish line with or without
Brilliant: what you are until you get out of the shower.
Conflicted: a vegetarian with butterflies in their stomach.
Dead: what you call in when you're out of sick days.
Deny: a good thing to do when looking reality in the eye.
Directions: what you never need to ask for in order to find your next hugely embarrassing
Disgust: the realization that you actually look like your drivers license photo.
Dishonesty: a process that involves way too much work, since you always have to remember
what you said in order to cover your tracks.
Dollars: a type of currency that goes a lot farther when accompanied by sense.
Exercise: a dirty word that compels you to wash your mouth out with chocolate every time you
hear it.
Fanaticism: redoubling your effort when you've forgotten your objective.
Flattery: telling others exactly what they want to believe about themselves.
Font: what your children call your handwriting style.

Glue: what you should yell when your horse refuses to giddyup.
Heck: a place for those who refuse to believe in Gosh.
Hypocrite: someone who writes a book celebrating atheism and then prays it will sell.
Insomniacs: people who don't sleep because they worry about it, and worry about it because
they don't sleep.
Inspiration: not knowing what you're doing, yet doing it brilliantly.
Instant: the type of gratification we want, no matter how long it takes.
Juvenile: the type of delinquent your inner child aspires to be.
Limits: what genius has and stupidity does not.
Marble: the laptop version of a crystal ball.
Old: dating someone half your age, yet not breaking any laws.
Positive: the type of attitude that may not solve all your problems, but will annoy enough people
to make it worth the effort.
Procrastinate: something you do when you don't.
Respectable: the type of candidates God would give us if she really wanted us to vote.
Senseless: inventing cloning after there are already six billion of us.
Shredding: the newest graduate level class at business schools.
Silence: the only sure way to keep from putting your foot in your mouth.

Pessimist: someone who complains about the noise when opportunity knocks.
Tai chi: the polka -- on Valium.
Pathetic: your credit rating if you get turned down for a magazine subscription.
Expand: what the universe does every time they add another area code.
Thin: the size of the line between being brilliantly creative and acting like a gigantic idiot.
To subscribe to Daffynition-a-Day, simply send an email to joe@daffynitions.com -- with the word
Subscribe in the subject line. Joe Heuer is also known as an entertainment speaker. Appearing
Nationwide upon request. Author of The Idiot-Proof Guide to Customer Loyalty. Available at
http://www.amazon.com -or- http://www.joespeaks.com
courtesy of Daffynitions.com

Signs of the Future ...
From Friends ...
The New Definition
of: Today.
Section 1:
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