4wFriends

"Whoa," he says uncomfortably to himself, "Pat Robertson never prepared me for this !" The day done. Saint Peter
returns and says "Well then, you've spent a day in Hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for
eternity." With the 'Jeopardy' theme playing softly in the background George Dubya reflects for a minute then answers,
"Well, I would never have thought I'd say this -- I mean heaven has been delightful and all -- but, I really think I belong
in hell with my friends." So Saint Peter escorts George to the elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to
hell. The doors of the elevator open and he finds himself in the middle of barren scorched earth covered with garbage
and toxic industrial waste. He is horrified to see all of his friends dressed in rags and chained together, picking up the
trash and putting it in black bags. They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime. The
Devil comes over to Dubya and puts an arm around his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers a shocked Dubya.
"Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a clubhouse and we ate lobster and caviar and drank booze.
We screwed around and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks
miserable !" The Devil looks at the American politician and smiles slyly, "Yesterday we were campaigning. Today

you voted for us."

: )

George takes the drink and finds himself liking the devil, who is a very friendly guy who tells funny jokes and pulls
hilarious nasty pranks (kind of like a Yale Skull and Bones brother with real horns). They are having such a great
time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives George a big hug and waves as the younger Bush
steps on the elevator and heads upward. When the elevator door reopens, he is in heaven again and Saint Peter is
waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit heaven" the old man says, opening the gate. So for 24 hours George Dubya is
made to hang out with a bunch of honest good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things
other than money, and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or frat boy joke among them. No fancy country
clubs. While the food tastes great, it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are all poor -- he doesn't see anybody
he knows, and he isn't even treated like someone special ! Worst of all to Dubya, Jesus turns out to be some kind of
Jewish hippie with his endless 'peace' and 'do unto others' jive.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course, the sun is shining in a cloudless sky, the
temperature a perfect 72 degrees. In the distance is a beautiful clubhouse. Standing in front of it is his dad and
thousands of other Republicans who had helped him out over the years: Karl Rove, Dick Cheney, Jerry Falwell. The
whole of the "Right" is here, everyone laughing, happy; casually but expensively dressed. They run to greet George.
They hug George and reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at expense of the "suckers and
peasants." They play a friendly game of golf then dine on lobster and caviar. The devil himself comes up to the
younger Bush with a frosty drink and says, "Have a Margarita and relax Dubya !" "Uh I can't drink no more. I took a
pledge," says George dejectedly. "This is Hell son -- you can drink and eat all you want and not worry, and it just
gets better from here !" the devil answers.

HEAVEN OR HELL: DUBYA CHOOSES ...

While walking down the street one day, George Dubya is shot by a disgruntled NRA member. His soul arrives in
heaven and he is met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Welcome to heaven," says Saint Peter. "Before you settle
in, it seems there is a problem: We seldom see a Republican around these parts, so we're not sure what to do with
you." "No problem, just let me in, I'm a believer," George Dubya Bush responded. Saint Peter replies, "According to
the Big Man, he says you have to spend one day in hell and one day in heaven. Then you must choose where you'll
live for eternity." "But I've already made up my mind; I want to be in heaven", George tells Peter.

A Little Laugh Out Loud ! Rejected State Mottos:

Every state has an official motto. And for every inspiring lofty state motto there's the slogan it should have instead !
Thanks to several Web sites that specialize in making fun of state mottos, here are some of the mottos -- the (funny)
ones that they should have and the real (boring) ones. Remember ... laugh all you want at the other states, but do be
a good sport if your own State is included.

Arkansas - It Is: The People Rule.

It Should Be: Litterasy Ain't Everthing

California - It Is: Eureka ... I Have Found It.

It Should Be: Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda

Colorado - It Is: Nothing Without Providence.

It Should Be: Too tired to Cross the Mountains, we stopped Here.

Florida - It Is: In God We Trust.

It Should Be: Senior Citizen Discounts Available !

Hawaii - It Is: Life of the Land is Perpetuated in Righteousness.

It Should Be: Come, Get Lai-ed.

Idaho - It Is: It Is Forever.

It Should Be: We Don't Care If You Spell Potato With an "E".

Illinois - It Is: State Sovereignty, National Union.

It Should Be: Please Don't Pronounce the "S".

Indiana - It Is: The Crossroads of America.

It Should Be: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free.

Louisiana - It Is: Union, Justice, and Confidence.

It Should Be: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, That's

Just Our Tourism Campaign.

Maine - It Is: I Direct.

It Should Be: We're Really Cold, but We Have Cheap Lobster.

Maryland - Should Be: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It.

Michigan - Should Be: Land of the Free, Home of the Buick

Mississippi - It Is: By Valor and Arm.

It Should Be: Come and Feel Better About Your Own State.

Nevada - It Is: All For Our Country.

It Should Be: Hookers and Poker ! Sin City Rules !

New Hampshire - It Is: Live Free or Die.

It Should Be: Go Away and Leave Us Alone --

New Jersey - It Is: Liberty and Prosperity.

It Should Be: You Want a ##$%##! Motto? I Got
Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here !

New Mexico - It Is: It Grows as It Goes.

It Should Be: We Really Are One of the 50 States!

New York - It Is: Excelsior.

It Should Be: You Have the Right to Remain Silent,

You Have the Right to an Attorney. Or, Shoot First
... Ask Questions Later.

North Carolina - Should Be: Tobacco Is a
Vegetable.

North Dakota - It Is: Liberty and Union Now and

Forever, One and Inseparable.

It Should Be: Um, We've Got, Um...Dinosaur
Bones ? Yeah, Dinosaur Bones !

Ohio - It Is: With God, All Things are Possible.

It Should Be: Home of Lake Erie and the Mistake
by the Lake.

Rhode Island - It Is: Hope.

It Should Be: We're Not REALLY an Island.

Utah - It Is: Industry.

It Should Be: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

West Virginia - It Is: Mountaineers Are Always
Free.

It Should Be: One Big Happy Family...Really !