Little Johnny's Toothbrushes -- The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited.
Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship. Little Mary
led off, "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "my sales approach was to appeal to
the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success." "Very good," said the teacher.
Little Sally was next, "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and explained to everyone that magazines
would keep them abreast of current events like that with Osama Bin Laden and Sadam Hussain." "Very
good, Sally" said the teacher. Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little
Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467"
he said. "$2,467 !" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling ?" "Toothbrushes", said Little
Johnny. "Toothbrushes ?" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough toothbrushes to make
that much money ?" "I found the busiest corner in town", said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand
and I gave everybody who walked by a sample. They all said the same thing. ' Hey, this tastes like shit ! '
Then I would say, It is shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush ?"
Uncle Bill ...
Totally Cool ®
outtakes and misc.
ToTaLLy CoOL ®
What's To SAY ???
The sign that was on the door said ...
At a towing company: "We don't charge an arm
and a leg. We want tows."
At a Milwaukee tire shop: "Invite us to your
Door of plastic surgeon's office: "Let us pick
On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your
In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we'll
assume you're on fire and take appropriate action."
On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."
On a taxidermist's window: "We really know our
In a podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."
At a car dealership: "The best way to get back
on your feet --- miss a car payment."
Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment
necessary. We hear you coming."
In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in
minutes. Sit. Stay."
At a power company: "We would be de-lighted if
you pay your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."
A Sign of the Times:
Playwright Jim Sherman wrote this after Hu Jintao was named chief of the Communist Party
HU'S ON FIRST by James Sherman
(We take you now to the Oval Office.)
George: Condi ! Nice to see you. What's happening ? Condi: Sir, I have the report here about
the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me. Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know. Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China ? Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name. Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China. Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China. Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman ! Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for ? Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China ? Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name ? Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China ? Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir ? Yassir Arafat is in China ? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China ? Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China ? Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is ? Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir ? Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the
Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone. Condi: Kofi ?
George: No, thanks. Condi: You want Kofi ?
George: No. Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir ! The guy at the U.N. ! Condi: Kofi ?
George: Milk ! Will you please make the call ? Condi: And call who ?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N ? Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China ?!! Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East. Just get me the guy at the U.N. ! Condi: Kofi.
George: All right ! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice ? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the
guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East ?
1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it
was time to present the present.
8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend ?
14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
17. After a number of injections my jaw got number.
18. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20. They were too close to the door to close it.
Subject: Sex Ed 002
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat.
As he settled in ... he glanced up and saw an
unusually beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He soon realized she was heading straight
toward his seat. Lo and behold, she took the
seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a
conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip
or vacation ?" She turned, smiled and said,
"Business. The Annual Sexual Education
Convention in Chicago." He swallowed hard.
Here was the most gorgeous woman he had
ever seen, sitting next to him, and she was
going to a meeting for sex education !
Struggling to maintain his composure, he
calmly asked, "What's your business role at
this convention ?" "Lecturer," she responded.
"I use my experience to debunk some of the
popular myths about sexuality." "Really," he
replied. "What myths are those ?" "Well,"
she explained. "One popular myth is that
African American men are the most well
endowed, when in fact, it's the Native
American Indian who is most likely to
possess that trait. Another popular myth is
that French men are the best lovers when
actually it is the men of Jewish descent. We
have, however, found that the best potential
lover in all categories is the Southern
Redneck." Suddenly, the woman became a
little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry."
she said. "I shouldn't really be discussing this
with you. I don't even know your name."
"Tonto," the man said. "Tonto Goldstein.
But my friends call me Bubba."
In a restaurant window: "Don't stand there and
be hungry. Come on in and get fed up."
On the lawn of a funeral home: "Drive
carefully. We'll wait."
At a propane filling station: "Tank heaven for
A plumber's truck read: "Don't sleep with a drip.
Call your plumber."
A Pizza Shop slogan: "7 days without pizza
makes one weak."
At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what
you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
WORD: dishabille \dis-uh-BEEL\ (noun)
The state of being carelessly or partially dressed. Casual or lounging attire. An intentionally careless
or casual manner.
WORD WISE: Dishabille comes from French déshabiller, "to un- dress," from dés, "dis-" + habiller, "to
clothe, to dress."
QUOTE: She was dressed, that is to say, in dishabille, wrapped in a long warm dressing gown. --
Alexandre Dumas, Twenty Years After. ("word of the day" courtesy of shagmail.com)
WORD: bivouac /BIV-wack, BIV-uh-wack/ (noun)
1: The watch of a whole army by night, when in danger of surprise or attack. 2: An encampment for the
night usually without tents or covering.
WORD WISE: From French bivouac, itself from German Beiwache, a watching or guarding (bei "by, near"
+ wachen "to watch").
QUOTE: "In the world's broad field of battle, In the bivouac of Life." --Longfellow
The Music Credit:
Night Wants To Forget
On Every Page There Is
A Song. Wait ... And Adjust
-- your volume.
Richard david Renda
ToTaLLy CoOL ®
"The Official Editorial Authority"
Stay Tunes - There Is
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