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Chuckles
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TotallyCool.net
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- The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
- The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country.
- The Washington Post is read by people who think they should run the country.
- USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but
don't really understand the Washington Post. They do however -- like their
smog statistics shown in pie charts.
- The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the
country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn't have to leave L.A. to do it.
- The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country.
- The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country,
or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for (there are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feministic atheist dwarfs, who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as they are democrats).
- The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but need
the baseball scores.
- The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running
the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
- The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country
either, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated. |
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Woman To Woman.
If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You
do nothing but sleep for six months. I could
deal with that. Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could
deal with that, too. If you're a mama bear,
everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If
your cubs get out of line, you swat them
too. I could deal with that. If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat. I want to be a bear. |
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Investment Announcement:
A drug corporation. today made the
announcement that a drug meant to
help men get it up Mykoxaphalen
toold - phyew) will soon be available
in liquid form under the trade name
of Mydixaflop. Mydixaflop will be
marketed by a large beverage company as a power beverage suitable for use as is, or as a mixer, under the name Mount And Do. The proposed ad campaign suggests: "It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one." |
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A Mysterious Lady by Ms. Indego
That's just the way it is. Things will
never be the same. As twisted as it
may be I'm feeling so comfortable
with these fantasies of you, and me,
and she. She doesn't concern me.
That bitch Karma. I think that she
hates me. I've lost count of the
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When hearts and moments felt stolen, because it was. She remarks "and you were bold, then complacent in your sin,
you never thought I'd show up did you." I say: "Yes, I've been waiting for the day. Took you longer than I'd expected."
My close friends who knew what I was going through in my Eden, when I would indulge in this forbidden, even warned
me that you would try -- take the love that I would finally make. Damn. I knew what was at stake if I ever fucked with
you. Oh and did I have the nerve to fuck with you. And like it, want it, need it. I hate it. To Love you. Was it worth it ?"
That bitch Karma begins to pack up all my shit -- Repossess what was never mine -- it was only a matter of time. I then realize something. She looks just like me, dresses like me, even walks the way that I do ... with that swagger
like me. And then it hits me. She's my worst enemy. Someone that I should have recognized at first sight. But
closed was my 3rd eye. That Karma. Why didn't I know ? Why couldn't eyes see ? That bitch is me. My worst enemy.
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kisses, the licks, the hugs, the sucking, and the fucking. So payback for me has tipped the scale of Justice. There is
none for me. I'm wondering when she will show up -- Will I be in my big beautiful glass house sitting at the table with my husband and 3 kids when all of a sudden the doorbell rings. I'm disturbed. "We already have a vacumn cleaner honey, or did they send another saleman. I don't think so because There's this chick outside." She's wearing red on her lips like the scorn of hell's fury and her smile is wide. I don't know what to make of it, this unannounced visit. But I let her in anyway. I don't know if it's my naivete or it is that I've been given my time to enjoy my family bliss and what do I make of this. Oh and s-h-e's very familiar. She reminds me of a mutual friend that I knew from way back when. |
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More To Come
Stay Tunes ...
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More To Come
Stay Tunes ...
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Totally Cool ®
The MagaZine
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Winter 2001
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Review
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Editor-In-Chief: Laurie Schechter
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c. 2002 . . .
All RIghts Reserved.
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Stay Tuned
there is more to come
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The Music Credit:
Central Park Stomp
Peggy Cone and
The Central Park
Stompers |
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TotallyCool.net
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THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 50
Kidnappers are not very interested in you anymore. In a hostage situation
you are likely to be released first. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, Did I wake you ? No one expects you to run into a burning building. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. There's nothing left to learn the hard way. You can live without sex but not without glasses. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. You sing
along with elevator music. Your investment in health insurance is finally
beginning to pay off. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size. And your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. |
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