2AutumnTab

? ? ? ? WHO IS IT ? ? ? ? This action actor wrote a letter to his hometown asking them not to
erect a giant statue in his honor. Flattered, he asked them to use the money they would have
spent on the statue on social projects and charity. Guess Who ? The hometown is Graz,
Austria. The humble actor is ... (highlight this line) --- Arnold Schwarzenegger ---

This actress somehow lost the diamond out of her wedding ring at a Sting concert and frantically
started searching for it with the help of fans around her. When Sting heard about it onstage, he
stopped singing, had the house lights turned up and had everyone down on the ground searching
for it. It was never found. Who is it ? The actress is (highlight this line) --- Melanie Griffith ---

? ? ? ? WHO'S TALKING TO WHO ? ? ? ?

According to the gossip wire ... David Letterman has come to the aid of his longtime friend of

25 years, comic George Miller. George Miller has leukemia and is having a hard time paying the
bills from the hospital care and treatment. So far, the bills have reached $1.5 million. Sources
says David Letterman told his friend not to worry about it and is paying all of the bills himself.

Martin Sheen was about to receive a ticket for Jaywalking. Some say he pleaded with a cop in
West Hollywood to let him off. The reason -- he has been arrested for public demonstrations for
everything from missile defense to mistreatment of farm workers. Sheen told the officer that the
Judge told him if he had "one more run in with the law" he would go to jail. What did the officer

do ? The officer let him walk.

Supermodel Tyra Banks knows how to be pampered. It is said Tyra goes to an ultra-ritzy spa that
gives white chocolate pedicures. Her feet are soaked and bathed in Godiva chocolate liqueur ...

According to Trashy Tabliods: Tough Guy Vin Diesel drove up to a coffee shop on his motorcycle
to meet some friends. A young boy was in front of the coffee shop trying to sell candy and was
being ignored by everyone walking along. He asked the Diesel if he would like to buy some candy

and was barked at by the Movie star. As the kid turned around to walk away, Vin Diesel told him
he needed a better sales pitch and took the time to -- not only instruct him on selling the candy

but sat watching. The young boy sold a lot of candy and Vin Diesel ... bought the rest.

CLEAN LAFFS

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green
when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf
cap, closes his eyes and bows in prayer. His friend says, "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I
have ever seen. You truly are a kind man." The man then replies "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."

A German General noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he
found, frown, and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time until the General arranged

to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged and wrote

out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked up the paper, smiled, and said ... "That's it."

A voice on the office loudspeaker announced -- "We will be testing the speaker system to make sure it will work
properly in case of emergency." Confidence in this safety precaution faded when the voice added: "If you are unable
to hear this announcement, please contact us."

More Clean Laffs --

These are the nominees for the Chevy Nova Award. Given in honor of the General Motors trying
to market the Nova car in Central and South America. In Spanish "No va" means: "No go."

1. Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue ...

the name of a notorious adult magazine.

2. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the
Pope John Paul's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I Saw the Potato"
(la papa).

3. Pepsi's "Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation", in Chinese, translated into

"Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back From the Grave".

4. The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Kekoukela", meaning "Bite the wax tadpole"
or "female horse stuffed with wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000
characters to find a phonetic equivalent "kokou kole", translating into "happiness in the mouth."

5. The American Dairy Association's huge success with the campaign "Got Milk ?" prompted
them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish
translation was reading ... "Are you lactating ?"

And, when American Airlines wanted to advertise its new leather First Class seats in the

Mexican market, American Airlines translated the "Fly In Leather" campaign literally, which

meant -- (vuela en cuero) "Fly Naked !" in Spanish.